The Sims Medieval Wiki
No edit summary
(Adding categories)
 
(7 intermediate revisions by 6 users not shown)
Line 2: Line 2:
 
[[Jacoban Priest|Jacoban priests]] are able to nail various '''Proclamations''' to the proclamation board outside their [[cathedral]]. These papers either increase or decrease the level of fear among the populace.
 
[[Jacoban Priest|Jacoban priests]] are able to nail various '''Proclamations''' to the proclamation board outside their [[cathedral]]. These papers either increase or decrease the level of fear among the populace.
   
Unfortunately, not all Sims agree with Jacoban dogma. Proclamations, especially in kingdoms where the church isn't feared, are often in danger of being torn down by others. [[Peteran]]s are noticeably prone to this and will actually feel <font color="green">Peteran Pride</font> for tearing down proclamations. If the Jacoban priest sees a Sim tearing down a proclamation, he or she will naturally regard the act with shock and declare the offending Sim a <font color="red">Jacoban Enemy</font> for a few hours. Tearing down proclamations is a minor crime and Sims can be put in [[Judgement Zone|the stocks]] if caught for it.
+
However, not all Sims agree with Jacoban dogma. Proclamations, especially in kingdoms where the church isn't feared, are often in danger of being torn down by others. [[Peteran]]s are noticeably prone to this and will actually feel <font color="green">Peteran Pride</font> for tearing down proclamations. If the Jacoban priest sees a Sim tearing down a proclamation, he or she will naturally regard the act with shock and declare the offending Sim a <font color="red">Jacoban Enemy</font> for a few hours. Tearing down proclamations is a minor crime and Sims can be put in [[Judgement Zone|the stocks]] if caught for it.
   
 
Although proclamations seem to serve as a way for the church to assert its authority by directing the lives of Watcher-fearing Sims, Sims don't seem to ever do what the proclamations say and even the priest who posted the proclamation can defy it with no ill effects.
 
Although proclamations seem to serve as a way for the church to assert its authority by directing the lives of Watcher-fearing Sims, Sims don't seem to ever do what the proclamations say and even the priest who posted the proclamation can defy it with no ill effects.
   
 
===List of Proclamations===
 
===List of Proclamations===
{| border="1" cellpadding="1" cellspacing="1" class="wikitable heading-blue unsortable" style="width: 600px;"
+
{| style="width: 600px;" class="wikitable heading-blue unsortable" border="1" cellpadding="1" cellspacing="1"
 
!Proclamation Text
 
!Proclamation Text
 
!Fear Effect
 
!Fear Effect
 
|-
 
|-
| style="text-align: center;"|The Watcher sees every disgusting and wrong thing you do, and he tells the Proxy about it and then the Proxy tells me. Keep it in mind. Jacob guide you.
+
| style="text-align: center;"|After tomorrow's afternoon sermon, the church will begin collecting coats to distribute to less fortunate--OH MY GOSH THERE'S A SPIDER RIGHT BEHIND YOU!!!
  +
| style="text-align: center;"|<font color="green">Dramatic Increase</font>
  +
|-
  +
| style="text-align: center;"|Do not spit in the holy water. We saw what you did, Josef.
  +
| style="text-align: center;"|<font color="green">Dramatic Increase</font>
  +
|-
  +
| style="text-align: center;"|Just because you perform your disgusting acts amongst the lordleaf behind the church doesn't mean the Watcher doesn't see it, Amanda.
  +
| style="text-align: center;"|<font color="green">Dramatic Increase</font>
  +
|-
  +
| style="text-align: center;"|Names are self-indulgent and wicked. By decree of the Jacoban Proxy, all of the Watcher's children will now be referred to as "Lo." All babies born from now on will be named "Lo." -- A message from Shepherd Lo
 
| style="text-align: center;"|<font color="green">Dramatic Increase</font>
 
| style="text-align: center;"|<font color="green">Dramatic Increase</font>
  +
|-
  +
| style="text-align: center;"|Speaking with and otherwise interacting with non-Jacoban worshippers is now strictly forbidden. Any Jacoban found in violation of this proclamation will be considered a heretic and punished accordingly.
  +
| style="text-align: center;"|<font color="green">Dramatic Increase</font>
 
|-
 
|-
 
| style="text-align: center;"|The Jacoban Proxy predicts a torrential rain of hellfire over the next few days, as the Watcher has set about to smite all those who offend Him. Please take this into account when planning your excursions.
 
| style="text-align: center;"|The Jacoban Proxy predicts a torrential rain of hellfire over the next few days, as the Watcher has set about to smite all those who offend Him. Please take this into account when planning your excursions.
 
| style="text-align: center;"|<font color="green">Dramatic Increase</font>
 
| style="text-align: center;"|<font color="green">Dramatic Increase</font>
 
|-
 
|-
| style="text-align: center;"|Names are self-indulgent and wicked. By decree of the Jacoban Proxy, all of the Watcher's children will now be referred to as "Lo." All babies born from now on will be named "Lo." -- A message from Shepherd Lo
+
| style="text-align: center;"|The Watcher sees every disgusting and wrong thing you do, and he tells the Proxy about it and then the Proxy tells me. Keep it in mind. Jacob guide you.
 
| style="text-align: center;"|<font color="green">Dramatic Increase</font>
 
| style="text-align: center;"|<font color="green">Dramatic Increase</font>
 
|-
 
|-
 
| style="text-align: center;"|We are looking for volunteers for our next round of Jacob's Sword Sharpness Testing. Please consider volunteering if you have at least one sturdy limb.
 
| style="text-align: center;"|We are looking for volunteers for our next round of Jacob's Sword Sharpness Testing. Please consider volunteering if you have at least one sturdy limb.
 
| style="text-align: center;"|<font color="green">Dramatic Increase</font>
 
| style="text-align: center;"|<font color="green">Dramatic Increase</font>
  +
|-
  +
| style="text-align: center;"|Any Jacoban follower who fails to recognize the Proxy's birthday will be destroyed by bees. I could tell you when the birthday is, but that would be cheating. Jacob guide you.
  +
| style="text-align: center;"|<font color="green">Moderate Increase</font>
 
|-
 
|-
 
| style="text-align: center;"|By order of the Jacoban church, the hems of all dresses are to be worn no higher than ten inches below the ankle. Lengthening fabric will be available at your church in a variety of colors for the next few days.
 
| style="text-align: center;"|By order of the Jacoban church, the hems of all dresses are to be worn no higher than ten inches below the ankle. Lengthening fabric will be available at your church in a variety of colors for the next few days.
 
| style="text-align: center;"|<font color="green">Moderate Increase</font>
 
| style="text-align: center;"|<font color="green">Moderate Increase</font>
 
|-
 
|-
| style="text-align: center;"|Laughter is decadent!! The Grand Convincer of the Jacoban Church has given today over to solemn reflection on the Watcher for all followers.
+
| style="text-align: center;"|By order of the Jacoban Proxy, all puppies have been outlawed. Please place your puppies in the puppy repository at your local Jacoban Cathedral. Jacob guide you.
 
| style="text-align: center;"|<font color="green">Moderate Increase</font>
 
| style="text-align: center;"|<font color="green">Moderate Increase</font>
 
|-
 
|-
| style="text-align: center;"|We must offer ourselves wholly to the Watcher's gaze. Wearing a hat sinfully covers your face and interrupts His righteous view of you. Hats are banned until further notice.
+
| style="text-align: center;"|By order of the Jacoban Proxy, gruel may no longer be consumed in any official Jacoban building, except by Priests and others who have been touched by the Watcher.
| style="text-align: center;"|<font color="green">Moderate Increase</font>
+
| style="text-align: center;"|<font color="green">Moderate Increase</font>
 
|-
 
|-
  +
| style="text-align: center;"|Eggs are repulsive. Have you ever stopped to think think about where eggs come from? I mean, really thought about it? Any Jacoban seen handling, ingesting, or festively decorating eggs will fall completely from the Watcher's favor.
| style="text-align: center;"|The Jacoban Proxy has decreed that church attendance is now mandatory. Missing a sermon may result in sickness or death.
 
 
| style="text-align: center;"|<font color="green">Moderate Increase</font>
 
| style="text-align: center;"|<font color="green">Moderate Increase</font>
 
|-
 
|-
| style="text-align: center;"|By order of the Jacoban Proxy, all puppies have been outlawed. Please place your puppies in the puppy repository at your local Jacoban Cathedral. Jacob guide you.
+
| style="text-align: center;" |If you enjoyed the last sermon, please leave feedback in the suggestion box. If you did not enjoy the sermon, please keep it to yourself. The Watcher knows all.
| style="text-align: center;"|<font color="green">Moderate Increase</font>
+
| style="text-align: center;" |<font color="green">Moderate Increase</font>
 
|-
 
|-
| style="text-align: center;"|Persons who do not donate to their local Jacoban church are five times as likely to be buried alive someday as those who do --This fun fact has been brought to you by your local Jacoban church.
+
| style="text-align: center;" |In order to prevent confusion, by order of the Jacoban Church, all parrots must be named from the following list: Polly, Pascal, Porgie, or Pollyanna. Failure to comply will result in confiscation of the offending bird.
| style="text-align: center;"|<font color="green">Moderate Increase</font>
+
| style="text-align: center;" |<font color="green">Moderate Increase</font>
 
|-
 
|-
| style="text-align: center;"|Eggs are repulsive. Have you ever stopped to think think about where eggs come from? I mean, really thought about it? Any Jacoban seen handling, ingesting, or festively decorating eggs will fall completely from the Watcher's favor.
+
| style="text-align: center;" |Laughter is decadent!! The Grand Convincer of the Jacoban Church has given today over to solemn reflection on the Watcher for all followers.
| style="text-align: center;"|<font color="green">Moderate Increase</font>
+
| style="text-align: center;" |<font color="green">Moderate Increase</font>
 
|-
 
|-
| style="text-align: center;"|The Jacoban Proxy wishes to remind you that medical science has been completely unable to prove there isn't a connection between skipping church and chlamydia.
+
| style="text-align: center;" |Persons who do not donate to their local Jacoban church are five times as likely to be buried alive someday as those who do --This fun fact has been brought to you by your local Jacoban church.
| style="text-align: center;"|<font color="green">Moderate Increase</font>
+
| style="text-align: center;" |<font color="green">Moderate Increase</font>
  +
|-
 
| style="text-align: center;" |The Jacoban Proxy has decreed that church attendance is now mandatory. Missing a sermon may result in sickness or death.
  +
| style="text-align: center;" |<font color="green">Moderate Increase</font>
  +
|-
  +
| style="text-align: center;" |The Jacoban Proxy wishes to remind you that medical science has been completely unable to prove there isn't a connection between skipping church and chlamydia.
  +
| style="text-align: center;" |<font color="green">Moderate Increase</font>
  +
|-
  +
| style="text-align: center;" |The Jacoban Proxy would like to remind all loyal Jacobans that the Watcher is always watching you. Especially you, Bernard.
  +
| style="text-align: center;" |<font color="green">Moderate Increase</font>
  +
|-
  +
| style="text-align: center;" |To ensure complete spiritual fulfillment, the Jacoban Proxy strongly recommends that all Jacobans reflect on the Watcher for at least two hours, no less than fifteen times a day.
  +
| style="text-align: center;" |<font color="green">Moderate Increase</font>
  +
|-
  +
| style="text-align: center;" |We must offer ourselves wholly to the Watcher's gaze. Wearing a hat sinfully covers your face and interrupts His righteous view of you. Hats are banned until further notice.
  +
| style="text-align: center;" |<font color="green">Moderate Increase</font>
  +
|-
  +
| style="text-align: center;" |A new tax will be imposed on all Jacoban followers to help pay for planned church upgrades.
  +
| style="text-align: center;" |<font color="green">Minor Increase</font>
  +
|-
  +
| style="text-align: center;" |After rigorous study, it has been discovered that bears especially enjoy the taste of Jacoban worshippers. Be careful when visiting the forest. Jacob guide you.
  +
| style="text-align: center;" |<font color="green">Minor Increase</font>
  +
|-
  +
| style="text-align: center;" |It has come to the church's attention that certain citizens feel they can escape the Watcher's Gaze by wearing large, false moustaches during illicit activities. The Watcher sees EVERYTHING, including shenanigans. Remember that.
  +
| style="text-align: center;" |<font color="green">Minor Increase</font>
  +
|-
  +
| style="text-align: center;" |Please be aware that a grizzled old man has been trying to sell citizens "lucky" horseshoes. These talismans are an affront to the Watcher and are also grossly overpriced. Any Jacoban caught in possession of one will not be allowed in the church!
  +
| style="text-align: center;" |<font color="green">Minor Increase</font>
  +
|-
  +
| style="text-align: center;" |The Watcher doesn't favor one man above another just because he has a noble title. The Watcher favors him because of birth, blood, breeding, education, manners, dress, and social standing.
  +
| style="text-align: center;" |<font color="green">Minor Increase</font>
  +
|-
  +
| style="text-align: center;" |The Watcher sees all transactions, everywhere. Therefore, the Jacoban Church is ordering a voluntary tax on all trades that occur outside of [[Kingdom]], or in [[Kingdom]].
  +
| style="text-align: center;" |<font color="green">Minor Increase</font>
  +
|-
 
| style="text-align: center;" |Until further notice, all Peterans who step onto Jacoban property are required to wear a badge declaring them to be temporary Jacobans. Once they step off Jacoban land, they may resume their previous faith.
  +
| style="text-align: center;" |<font color="green">Minor Increase</font>
  +
|-
  +
| style="text-align: center;" |All worshippers are responsible for cleaning their seat after a sermon. Dirty pews are an affront to the Watcher and will not be tolerated.
  +
| style="text-align: center;" |<font color="green">Slight Increase</font>
  +
|-
  +
| style="text-align: center;" |By order of the Jacoban Proxy, carrots, the most evil of all vegetables, shall no longer be eaten by good citizens.
  +
| style="text-align: center;" |<font color="green">Slight Increase</font>
  +
|-
  +
| style="text-align: center;" |Contrary to recent rumor, children are welcome at our sermons. However, they should be neither seen nor heard. The Watcher despises children.
  +
| style="text-align: center;" |<font color="green">Slight Increase</font>
  +
|-
  +
| style="text-align: center;" |Come join us at our first-ever Jacoban cooking class, where you'll learn to brew our famous Watcher's Gruel and the difference between a spoon and a smiting!
  +
| style="text-align: center;" |<font color="red">Slight Decrease</font>
  +
|-
  +
| style="text-align: center;" |Come wash away your dirty sins with us! I promise no one will say "pew." -- A message from your Jacoban Church.
  +
| style="text-align: center;" |<font color="red">Slight Decrease</font>
  +
|-
  +
| style="text-align: center;" |Due to the recent spate of bear attacks on our congregation, we will be opening up a Jacoban healing center in town in the near future. Please visit us for any of your spiritual healing needs.
  +
| style="text-align: center;" |<font color="red">Slight Decrease</font>
  +
|-
  +
| style="text-align: center;" |He who "smelt it" did not necessarily "deal it".
  +
| style="text-align: center;" |<font color="red">Slight Decrease</font>
  +
|-
  +
| style="text-align: center;" |Lordleaf has been declared by the Jacoban Proxy to be the favoured plant of the Watcher and your local Jacoban church will be distributing lordleaf clippings in the near future.
  +
| style="text-align: center;" |<font color="red">Slight Decrease</font>
 
|-
 
|-
| style="text-align: center;"|Please be aware that a grizzled old man has been trying to sell citizens "lucky" horseshoes. These talismans are an affront to the Watcher and are also grossly overpriced. Any Jacoban caught in possession of one will not be allowed in the church!
+
| style="text-align: center;" |The Grand Convincer of the Jacoban Church has determined that hats are delightful. The next service at your Jacoban church will officially be Hat Day. Wear hats! ...Or else.
| style="text-align: center;"|<font color="green">Minor Increase</font>
+
| style="text-align: center;" |<font color="red">Slight Decrease</font>
 
|-
 
|-
| style="text-align: center;"|A new tax will be imposed on all Jacoban followers to help pay for planned church upgrades.
+
| style="text-align: center;" |Today's sermon will be attended by renowned Kingball Champion Richard of Yarmouth. Arrive early for your souvenir Mini-Kingball-Paddle and remember: playing Kingball is not a sin. Playing it badly is.
| style="text-align: center;"|<font color="green">Minor Increase</font>
+
| style="text-align: center;" |<font color="red">Slight Decrease</font>
 
|-
 
|-
  +
| style="text-align: center;" |Curious about the Watcher? Don't just "dip a toe in", go full-on Jacoban! -- A message from the Church of Jacob.
| style="text-align: center;"|Until further notice, all Peterans who step onto Jacoban property are required to wear a badge declaring them to be temporary Jacobans. Once they step off Jacoban land, they may resume their previous faith.
 
| style="text-align: center;"|<font color="green">Minor Increase</font>
+
| style="text-align: center;" |<font color="red">Minor Decrease</font>
 
|-
 
|-
| style="text-align: center;"|All worshippers are responsible for cleaning their seat after a sermon. Dirty pews are an affront to the Watcher and will not be tolerated.
+
| style="text-align: center;" |The Jacoban Church is taking applications for new attendants. Those interested should leave a resume, references, and charitable donation with the priest or priestess on duty.
| style="text-align: center;"|<font color="green">Minor Increase</font>
+
| style="text-align: center;" |<font color="red">Minor Decrease</font>
 
|-
 
|-
| style="text-align: center;"|By order of the Jacoban Proxy, carrots, the most evil of all vegetables, shall no longer be eaten by good citizens.
+
| style="text-align: center;" |The Jacoban Church reminds you to help prevent Truth Decay...open yourself to the Watcher every day.
| style="text-align: center;"|<font color="green">Minor Increase</font>
+
| style="text-align: center;" |<font color="red">Minor Decrease</font>
 
|-
 
|-
| style="text-align: center;"|Come wash away your dirty sins with us! I promise no one will say "pew." -- A message from your Jacoban Church.
+
| style="text-align: center;" |Remember: There is no "I" in "Eye of the Watcher" but we can always fit "U" in there! -- A message from your local Jacoban church.
| style="text-align: center;"|<font color="red">Minor Decrease</font>
+
| style="text-align: center;" |<font color="red">Minor Decrease</font>
 
|-
 
|-
| style="text-align: center;"|This is an official reminder from the Jacoban church:<br /><br />Tearing down a Jacoban proclamation is punishable by the posting of a more strongly-worded proclamation.
+
| style="text-align: center;" |The rumors that the Jacoban Proxy has outlawed smiling are false. Smiling is discouraged but not forbidden.
| style="text-align: center;"|<font color="red">Minor Decrease</font>
+
| style="text-align: center;" |<font color="red">Minor Decrease</font>
 
|-
 
|-
| style="text-align: center;"|The rumors that the Jacoban Proxy has outlawed smiling are false. Smiling is discouraged but not forbidden.
+
| style="text-align: center;" |This is an official reminder from the Jacoban church:<br />Tearing down a Jacoban proclamation is punishable by the posting of a more strongly-worded proclamation.
| style="text-align: center;"|<font color="red">Minor Decrease</font>
+
| style="text-align: center;" |<font color="red">Minor Decrease</font>
 
|-
 
|-
| style="text-align: center;"|Remember: There is no "I" in "Eye of the Watcher" but we can always fit "U" in there! -- A message from your local Jacoban church.
+
| style="text-align: center;" |When life slaps you with a challenge fish, just remember to "spirit". -- A message from your Jacoban church.
| style="text-align: center;"|<font color="red">Minor Decrease</font>
+
| style="text-align: center;" |<font color="red">Minor Decrease</font>
 
|-
 
|-
| style="text-align: center;"|Lordleaf has been declared by the Jacoban Proxy to be the favoured place of the Watcher and your local Jacoban church will be distributing lordleaf clippings in the near future.
+
| style="text-align: center;" |Any and all lapsed Jacobans are hereby forgiven for their transgressions and are welcome to attend the next sermon with no punishment of any kind. That means you, Bernard.
| style="text-align: center;"|<font color="red">Minor Decrease</font>
+
| style="text-align: center;" |<font color="red">Moderate Decrease</font>
 
|-
 
|-
| style="text-align: center;"|By order of the Jacoban Proxy, the overflow of donations to the Jacoban Church this past year will be returned to its most faithful followers. Visit your local Priest at your convenience to retrieve your share.
+
| style="text-align: center;" |By order of the Jacoban Proxy, the overflow of donations to the Jacoban Church this past year will be returned to its most faithful followers. Visit your local Priest at your convenience to retrieve your share.
| style="text-align: center;"|<font color="red">Moderate Decrease</font>
+
| style="text-align: center;" |<font color="red">Moderate Decrease</font>
 
|-
 
|-
| style="text-align: center;"|Any and all lapsed Jacobans are hereby forgiven for their transgressions and are welcome to attend the next sermon with no punishment of any kind. That means you, Bernard.
+
| style="text-align: center;" |If you are reading this, then that means you care. Congratulations! If only all citizens were as conscientious as you, the world would be a better place.
| style="text-align: center;"|<font color="red">Moderate Decrease</font>
+
| style="text-align: center;" |<font color="red">Moderate Decrease</font>
 
|-
 
|-
| style="text-align: center;"|If you are reading this, then that means you care. Congratulations! If only all citizens were as conscientious as you, the world would be a better place.
+
| style="text-align: center;" |In the spirit of brotherhood, the Jacoban Proxy is encouraging all Jacoban followers to make friends with a Peteran today.
| style="text-align: center;"|
+
| style="text-align: center;" |<font color="red">Moderate Decrease</font>
 
|-
 
|-
| style="text-align: center;"|Today's sermon will be attended by renowned Kingball Champion Richard of Yarmouth. Arrive early for your souvenir Mini-Kingball-Paddle and remember: playing Kingball is not a sin. Playing it badly is.
+
| style="text-align: center;" |You don't have to be a "sir" or "man" to show up to my "sermon." Ladies Welcome! -- A message from your Jacoban Church.
| style="text-align: center;"|
+
| style="text-align: center;" |<font color="red">Moderate Decrease</font>
 
|-
 
|-
| style="text-align: center;"|You don't have to be a "sir" or "man" to show up to my "sermon." Ladies Welcome! -- A message from your Jacoban Church.
+
| style="text-align: center;" |The Jacoban Proxy has declared that everyone is beautiful, in their own way. Have a nice day.
| style="text-align: center;"|
+
| style="text-align: center;" |<font color="red">Dramatic Decrease</font>
 
|}
 
|}
 
[[Category:Religion]]
 
[[Category:Religion]]
  +
[[Category:Gameplay]]
  +
[[Category:Lists]]
  +
[[Category:Jacoban Priest]]

Latest revision as of 07:44, 12 April 2018

Proclamation

"That'll preach 'em."

Jacoban priests are able to nail various Proclamations to the proclamation board outside their cathedral. These papers either increase or decrease the level of fear among the populace.

However, not all Sims agree with Jacoban dogma. Proclamations, especially in kingdoms where the church isn't feared, are often in danger of being torn down by others. Peterans are noticeably prone to this and will actually feel Peteran Pride for tearing down proclamations. If the Jacoban priest sees a Sim tearing down a proclamation, he or she will naturally regard the act with shock and declare the offending Sim a Jacoban Enemy for a few hours. Tearing down proclamations is a minor crime and Sims can be put in the stocks if caught for it.

Although proclamations seem to serve as a way for the church to assert its authority by directing the lives of Watcher-fearing Sims, Sims don't seem to ever do what the proclamations say and even the priest who posted the proclamation can defy it with no ill effects.

List of Proclamations

Proclamation Text Fear Effect
After tomorrow's afternoon sermon, the church will begin collecting coats to distribute to less fortunate--OH MY GOSH THERE'S A SPIDER RIGHT BEHIND YOU!!! Dramatic Increase
Do not spit in the holy water. We saw what you did, Josef. Dramatic Increase
Just because you perform your disgusting acts amongst the lordleaf behind the church doesn't mean the Watcher doesn't see it, Amanda. Dramatic Increase
Names are self-indulgent and wicked. By decree of the Jacoban Proxy, all of the Watcher's children will now be referred to as "Lo." All babies born from now on will be named "Lo." -- A message from Shepherd Lo Dramatic Increase
Speaking with and otherwise interacting with non-Jacoban worshippers is now strictly forbidden. Any Jacoban found in violation of this proclamation will be considered a heretic and punished accordingly. Dramatic Increase
The Jacoban Proxy predicts a torrential rain of hellfire over the next few days, as the Watcher has set about to smite all those who offend Him. Please take this into account when planning your excursions. Dramatic Increase
The Watcher sees every disgusting and wrong thing you do, and he tells the Proxy about it and then the Proxy tells me. Keep it in mind. Jacob guide you. Dramatic Increase
We are looking for volunteers for our next round of Jacob's Sword Sharpness Testing. Please consider volunteering if you have at least one sturdy limb. Dramatic Increase
Any Jacoban follower who fails to recognize the Proxy's birthday will be destroyed by bees. I could tell you when the birthday is, but that would be cheating. Jacob guide you. Moderate Increase
By order of the Jacoban church, the hems of all dresses are to be worn no higher than ten inches below the ankle. Lengthening fabric will be available at your church in a variety of colors for the next few days. Moderate Increase
By order of the Jacoban Proxy, all puppies have been outlawed. Please place your puppies in the puppy repository at your local Jacoban Cathedral. Jacob guide you. Moderate Increase
By order of the Jacoban Proxy, gruel may no longer be consumed in any official Jacoban building, except by Priests and others who have been touched by the Watcher. Moderate Increase
Eggs are repulsive. Have you ever stopped to think think about where eggs come from? I mean, really thought about it? Any Jacoban seen handling, ingesting, or festively decorating eggs will fall completely from the Watcher's favor. Moderate Increase
If you enjoyed the last sermon, please leave feedback in the suggestion box. If you did not enjoy the sermon, please keep it to yourself. The Watcher knows all. Moderate Increase
In order to prevent confusion, by order of the Jacoban Church, all parrots must be named from the following list: Polly, Pascal, Porgie, or Pollyanna. Failure to comply will result in confiscation of the offending bird. Moderate Increase
Laughter is decadent!! The Grand Convincer of the Jacoban Church has given today over to solemn reflection on the Watcher for all followers. Moderate Increase
Persons who do not donate to their local Jacoban church are five times as likely to be buried alive someday as those who do --This fun fact has been brought to you by your local Jacoban church. Moderate Increase
The Jacoban Proxy has decreed that church attendance is now mandatory. Missing a sermon may result in sickness or death. Moderate Increase
The Jacoban Proxy wishes to remind you that medical science has been completely unable to prove there isn't a connection between skipping church and chlamydia. Moderate Increase
The Jacoban Proxy would like to remind all loyal Jacobans that the Watcher is always watching you. Especially you, Bernard. Moderate Increase
To ensure complete spiritual fulfillment, the Jacoban Proxy strongly recommends that all Jacobans reflect on the Watcher for at least two hours, no less than fifteen times a day. Moderate Increase
We must offer ourselves wholly to the Watcher's gaze. Wearing a hat sinfully covers your face and interrupts His righteous view of you. Hats are banned until further notice. Moderate Increase
A new tax will be imposed on all Jacoban followers to help pay for planned church upgrades. Minor Increase
After rigorous study, it has been discovered that bears especially enjoy the taste of Jacoban worshippers. Be careful when visiting the forest. Jacob guide you. Minor Increase
It has come to the church's attention that certain citizens feel they can escape the Watcher's Gaze by wearing large, false moustaches during illicit activities. The Watcher sees EVERYTHING, including shenanigans. Remember that. Minor Increase
Please be aware that a grizzled old man has been trying to sell citizens "lucky" horseshoes. These talismans are an affront to the Watcher and are also grossly overpriced. Any Jacoban caught in possession of one will not be allowed in the church! Minor Increase
The Watcher doesn't favor one man above another just because he has a noble title. The Watcher favors him because of birth, blood, breeding, education, manners, dress, and social standing. Minor Increase
The Watcher sees all transactions, everywhere. Therefore, the Jacoban Church is ordering a voluntary tax on all trades that occur outside of Kingdom, or in Kingdom. Minor Increase
Until further notice, all Peterans who step onto Jacoban property are required to wear a badge declaring them to be temporary Jacobans. Once they step off Jacoban land, they may resume their previous faith. Minor Increase
All worshippers are responsible for cleaning their seat after a sermon. Dirty pews are an affront to the Watcher and will not be tolerated. Slight Increase
By order of the Jacoban Proxy, carrots, the most evil of all vegetables, shall no longer be eaten by good citizens. Slight Increase
Contrary to recent rumor, children are welcome at our sermons. However, they should be neither seen nor heard. The Watcher despises children. Slight Increase
Come join us at our first-ever Jacoban cooking class, where you'll learn to brew our famous Watcher's Gruel and the difference between a spoon and a smiting! Slight Decrease
Come wash away your dirty sins with us! I promise no one will say "pew." -- A message from your Jacoban Church. Slight Decrease
Due to the recent spate of bear attacks on our congregation, we will be opening up a Jacoban healing center in town in the near future. Please visit us for any of your spiritual healing needs. Slight Decrease
He who "smelt it" did not necessarily "deal it". Slight Decrease
Lordleaf has been declared by the Jacoban Proxy to be the favoured plant of the Watcher and your local Jacoban church will be distributing lordleaf clippings in the near future. Slight Decrease
The Grand Convincer of the Jacoban Church has determined that hats are delightful. The next service at your Jacoban church will officially be Hat Day. Wear hats! ...Or else. Slight Decrease
Today's sermon will be attended by renowned Kingball Champion Richard of Yarmouth. Arrive early for your souvenir Mini-Kingball-Paddle and remember: playing Kingball is not a sin. Playing it badly is. Slight Decrease
Curious about the Watcher? Don't just "dip a toe in", go full-on Jacoban! -- A message from the Church of Jacob. Minor Decrease
The Jacoban Church is taking applications for new attendants. Those interested should leave a resume, references, and charitable donation with the priest or priestess on duty. Minor Decrease
The Jacoban Church reminds you to help prevent Truth Decay...open yourself to the Watcher every day. Minor Decrease
Remember: There is no "I" in "Eye of the Watcher" but we can always fit "U" in there! -- A message from your local Jacoban church. Minor Decrease
The rumors that the Jacoban Proxy has outlawed smiling are false. Smiling is discouraged but not forbidden. Minor Decrease
This is an official reminder from the Jacoban church:
Tearing down a Jacoban proclamation is punishable by the posting of a more strongly-worded proclamation.
Minor Decrease
When life slaps you with a challenge fish, just remember to "spirit". -- A message from your Jacoban church. Minor Decrease
Any and all lapsed Jacobans are hereby forgiven for their transgressions and are welcome to attend the next sermon with no punishment of any kind. That means you, Bernard. Moderate Decrease
By order of the Jacoban Proxy, the overflow of donations to the Jacoban Church this past year will be returned to its most faithful followers. Visit your local Priest at your convenience to retrieve your share. Moderate Decrease
If you are reading this, then that means you care. Congratulations! If only all citizens were as conscientious as you, the world would be a better place. Moderate Decrease
In the spirit of brotherhood, the Jacoban Proxy is encouraging all Jacoban followers to make friends with a Peteran today. Moderate Decrease
You don't have to be a "sir" or "man" to show up to my "sermon." Ladies Welcome! -- A message from your Jacoban Church. Moderate Decrease
The Jacoban Proxy has declared that everyone is beautiful, in their own way. Have a nice day. Dramatic Decrease